Just published a new piece on the Bleacher Report Website trying to explain the feelings of the average Seattle SuperSonics fan as we watch what was once our team advance into the NBA Finals. An excerpt:
At the moment, being a Sonics fan is like getting dumped and seeing your ex go on to star in a movie opposite Brad Pitt. And not evenTree of Life, take-me-serious Brat Pitt, but climax-inducing Thelma and Louise Brad Pitt.
Like true impotents, there’s nothing we can do about it but vent our rage on sports radio and Twitter—quick tokes of bluster that end with us sinking into even deeper despair.
Why so much fury?
Well, first, our team was jacked in true gangster style—a group of outsiders fronted by Clay Bennett rode into town, spat in our faces and took what they wanted, with an assist from the blowhard Howard Schultz and fluffing by David Stern.
If it was a Kurosawa movie, we’d at least have Toshiro Mifune to slice Bennett from head to pelvis. As it was, our politicians played the craven village leaders who bow and scrape before their masters for mercy; they received a Bennett pistol-whipping for their efforts.
We know this story by heart. Every twist and turn has been excruciatingly cataloged in the film Sonicsgate, our own Titanic, in which we end up sinking towards the bottom of the sea while Bennett sails off dandling Kate Winslet.
I’ll be rooting for the Heat, but then again, I’ve always liked LeBron James, even after “The Decision.”